Divorce is tough for everyone – whether on the leaving or being left side. How can you get through it in the best way possible? One important factor is the level of your Emotional Power.
High Emotional Power means you have the ability to step back or detach from emotional upsets (such as anxiety, frustration, self-attacks, hurt, pressure, stress, anger, jealousy, guilt, etc.). Once detached, someone with high Emotional Power self-soothes and then engages in clear critical thinking and problem-solving. Here are examples of individuals with Low and High Emotional Power:
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>Christine’s husband asked her for a divorce after ten years of marriage. She was blind-sided, having no inkling that her husband was having an affair with his assistant in the city. Christine’s reactions ranged from helplessness and self-hatred to rage to jealousy to anxiety about her own future. Because of her low Emotional Power, she was crippled in her negotiations. She gave in to her husband’s demands far too readily – because she wanted to end the pain and hurt she was feeling and inflicting on her children. She ended up with a deal that proved disadvantageous to her over the years.</p>
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>Phyllis, on the other hand, had high Emotional Power. In a similar situation as Christine, she detached from the pull of her negative feelings and soothed herself. Yes, she was still angry and upset, but her thinking mind was not crippled by the swirl of continuous intense emotionality. She decided to use her husband’s affair as leverage to get a better deal for herself. It worked and she ended up feeling satisfied about that aspect of her life.</p>
You might be saying to yourself now: “I just was not born with Emotional Power. It is not in my personality.” The answer to that is simple – emotional patterns are possible to change. Millions of people have learned how to detach from continuous intense emotional negativity. They have learned to:
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>• Become more aware or more mindful as their emotions intensify
• Detach from that negative emotional intensity
• Instead have compassion for themselves and self-soothe
• Solve their problems from this more positive emotional space</p>
Developing Emotional Power will give you a much better chance of moving more quickly from the crippling effects of divorce to a life you deserve and want.
Dr. Diane Kramer, Clinical Psychologist, Marital, Divorce and Post-Divorce Therapist
Long Island Marriage Counseling and Individual Therapy Center