Long Island Uncontested Divorce — What Is It?

I Need to Get Divorced – Don’t I Need a Lawyer to Protect My Rights?

There is a common and persistent myth that you will get totally taken to the cleaners in a Long Island divorce unless you hire a Long Island contested divorce lawyer — the shark with the sharpest teeth if at all possible. If you are the monied spouse you will lose everything as no one protects you. If you are the unmonied spouse you will be out in the street living in a cardboard box unless your lawyer goes after everything. Is that really  how it works in a Long Island contested divorce?

No. It is not. The reality in a Long Island divorce is that there is a relatively short list of issues that applies to every divorce. And there are only a limited number of realistic resolutions to each of those issues. Sure, every marriage is a bit different, but the laws on child support, distribution of marital assets, and so forth, are reasonably well established. It is a rare case where the facts of your case are really unique. Even though you may be in an emotionally charged and difficult situation with your estranged spouse — the emotional issues that you are focused on are not issues that a court will deal with or resolve. The contest between the two of you often has no real impact on the outcome of the divorce. What is contested is the relationship — not the divorce.

Every week someone comes into my mediation office and tells me, “You have never heard this story before.” In fact, I have heard it twice this month.

The reality is that, at the end of the day, your lawyer cannot work miracles, cannot get blood from a stone, or punish your spouse for some offense -  real or imagined. The job of the Courts is to process you through a divorce, establish the facts and apply the rules as fairly as possible, and get it over with. The Court are very rarely concerned with things like affairs, spending habits, and so forth. If those issues directly relate to child custody and visitation because someone is engaging in behaviors that directly put a child in danger, of course a Court will be interested. But, having a girl friend or boy friend, by itself, is rarely that sort of thing.

The reality is that everyone in divorce Court on Long Island is there because of behaviors and attitudes that are unacceptable to the other spouse. The Court is there to enable you to separate your lives and move on. The toughest divorce lawyer on Long Island is only going to have a limited impact on the process and its outcomes.

For that reason, most divorces are, in reality, uncontested on many of the real issues. We have no fault divorce now in New York — if one of you wants a divorce you are going to get. The issues that are contested are, for the most part, covered by rules that are well established — you just need to know what they are and apply them. That is what mediation is all about.

But I Don’t Feel That I Can Protect Myself in Divorce Mediation.

That is a legitimate fear. But the role of a mediator is to make sure that all issues are raised and fully explored, and that both parties understand what the law provides and how it applies to their situation. A mediator is not there to provide legal counsel or advice — but, on the other hand, mediation does not take place in a vacuum. You need to know what the law are and what ordinarily goes on in the divorce courts of Long Island. That is part of the mediation process. A mediator is an active and involved neutral — making sure that you each are treated fairly and equally in the process — No Bullying Allowed.

Should I Get A Long Island Divorce Lawyer to Review the Mediation Agreement Before I Sign Anything?

We always recommend that you have the final agreement reviewed prior to signing it. Then you can get an advocate’s point of view — but not by spending tens of thousands of dollars in a fruitless endeavor in court to try to get what you will never get — only to hear after you lose — “Oh well, we had a bad judge. He/she made the wrong decision.” Judges are like anyone else — they try to do the best job that they can. They know the law and how it applies and they have a lot of experience. You can often disagree with their decisions, but they are rarely out-of-the-blue.

The problem in having a divorce court, or your lawyer, make the decisions for you, is that you have completely lost control of the process. No one is really listening to you. You become a victim of other people and their opinions and biases.

Better to retain control of the process and the decisions by participating in a voluntary process in which you and you spouse are face to face with a mediator assisting you to look at each issue that has to be resolved and finding a solution that best meets everyone needs.

Try mediation — retain control over your own life.