Financial Troubles Resulting From Serious Illness Bring Couple to Divorce Mediation.Â
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In the middle of last year a couple came to see me to mediate their divorce. They were amicable, it appeared, at least at the beginning. The husband was an attorney who had been very successful, then had some health problems, and was having financial problems. The Wife had managed to spend just a little more than what he made, year after year, no matter what he had made, and traded up to a house they could not afford.
Once his health failed they rapidly fell into financial crisis. That precipitated the divorce. In the initial meetings they were quite friendly; the wife simply wanted nothing in her life to change and the husband, who had always been very accomodating, was willing to give her whatever she wanted.
The Financial Realities Revealed in Divorce Mediation Sessions Clearly Showed that Wife’s Lifestyle Would Have to Change — She Did Not Accept That.Â
However, as we went through the numbers it became quite clear that they could not sustain the life they had been living while living together; once they separated it was doubly impossible. The wife was going to have to go to work; the husband was going to have to recognize that he simply could not keep his wife and kids in the expensive house with all the trappings of the successful upper middle class professional life style.
That is where it started to get ugly.
Wife Goes to Attorney To Be Better Deal Than Got In Divorce Mediation.
 They managed to come to an agreement, at least on paper, and I prepared a draft agreement for them to take to their attorneys.
A few weeks later I got a call from the wife’s attorney, someone I know quite well, asking me to send her a digital copy of the agreement so that she could edit it.
In the meantime the husband decided to seek counseling.
I ran into him a couple of times, since he lives near my offices. Apparently the wife was unhappy with the deal they had made, her attorney had completely rewritten the agreement, and they were now on the verge of litigation. The wife simply was unwilling to accept the financial realities.
I suggested to him that they both come in for another mediation session, but he told me that he had already suggested that and her attorney had vetoed the idea.
Parties Spend $10,000 And Make Same Deal As Obtained Through Divorce Mediation — Just Spent a Lot More Money.Â
More time passed. Eventually I discovered that they were about to sign the stipulation of settlement and settle the divorce. The terms were identical with those we had worked out in mediation. There was, however, one additional term: he had to pay $10,000 to his wife’s attorney for legal fees.
An additional six to nine months; an additional $10,000, and the deal they finally struck was the same as the one they had made through me. Why? Because the facts are what they are. Not liking them does not change them. An attorney may promise to get you whatever you want, but it just doesn’t work that way. Most divorces fall into one of several facts patterns, sets of facts that occur over and over again, and the realistic solutions are both well know and limited in number.
The Advocacy Position of An Attorney Does Not Necessarily Advance The Client’s Real Interests.
I would not say that they attorney did something wrong by taking an advocacy position; that is what many divorce attornesy think they are supposed to do. But, in the end, how did it serve the client? The facts were what they were and she ended up with the same deal. She simply took another $10,000 out of the money that the parties had to support themselves and their childeren.
What is the point? It is important to be realistic. You can only hurt yourself by indulging in fantasy.
