One of You Can Move Out for A While: The problem is that all your friends are telling you — “Don’t Move Out.” The lawyer you went to for a free consultation says, “Don’t Move Out.” You can’t stand the tension — why won’t your spouse just leave? The fact is they are all right — if you move out you will lose all your leverage in bargaining. If you move out and leave the children with your spouse in the house — good-by custody. If you move out of the house and leave your spouse and children in it you could easily end up supporting them there for years until the children are grown. So moving out to reduce the tension is simply creating another whole set of problems.
Get a Separation Agreement: Often a potential client will call me about “getting a separation.” They are often surprised to find out that they will have to tell their spouse and have the spouse come in and participate in negotiations. You don’t just “get a separation.” It takes two people. The problem is that, in order to negotiate a separation agreement you really need to deal with all the issues, not just whatever is most pressing.
The Reality: The reality is that there is simply no simple answer to the question of whether you should get a divorce or not. Nor is there some simple, temporary solution that avoids the tough questions.
You really need to ask yourself, “If this marriage worth saving and, if it is, is it realistic to save it?” Is each of you willing to make the changes that you need to make to succeed as a couple? It takes two to tango. If not, then you need to face the reality of moving on into separate households, with all the arrangements concerning children and money that need to be made.
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