My previous post discussed the issue of staying in the house while young children are growing up. This post is a continuation of that discussion.
Often, one or both parents believe very strongly that the children should be able to stay in “their” home regardless of anything else. But, it is really a more complicated issue than just that. Very small children, under the age of five or so, have no attachment to a house. They hardly know one place from another. For very small children the argument just doesn’t hold up. The economic issues really should control, unless they do not change the outcome.
With older children, in high school or close to it, their attachment is more to their friends and their school than the house per se. Teenagers don’t want to move; they don’t want any change at all typically. Judges, for the most part, take the position that every effort possible should be taken to keep teenagers in their home until they graduate from high school. In that instance, the argument of the non-custodial parent that he wants his equity so that he can buy his own place to live usually falls on deaf ears. On the other hand, you are usually only talking about a few years before the house is sold.
There are judges who will grant exclusive use and occupancy of the house where there are rather young children.
The other side of the argument is when a custodial parent, typically the wife, wants to stay in the house, regardless of the age of the children or of the realities of finances, and the husband is willing to agree to a reasonable period, but just cannot see how the wife can afford it.
Often in this situation the wife just wants what she wants, says it is for the children, and demands that the husband come up with the money to do it, regardless of the realities. Judges will bend over backwards to keep the children in their house, and will assume that the father can afford more than he thinks he can afford, but, in the end, the wife who wants to stay in the house while the children grow up is going to have to carry most of the extra financial burden if there is one.
As you can see, staying in the house with the children is a complex issue. It requires, first of all, an honest assessment of the importance to the children’s well-being of staying in the house. If it appears that it is really to the children’s benefit, and not just an attempt to hold on to a life-style that is about to change, then a realistic assessment of financial resources of both parents, including the need of additional employment, is fundamental to making the decision.
